There are no words to describe how it feels to hold your baby for the last time and tell them goodbye for a while. But there are words to express the gratitude that I feel to have the knowledge that we will hold our babies again. We will feel of the joy that comes while raising them. That chance feels far away at times. But just the knowledge that because of Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father, it is a reality, is enough to keep me going. That knowledge is what has healed my heart and soul over these 2 1/2 years. Day by day, week by week, month by month, and then year by year, the burden becomes lighter and lighter. All because of our Savior Jesus Christ.
I was reading the Book of Mormon with Jakob today and these are the verses that we ended up reading:
Mosiah 24: 14-15, 21
14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.
21 Yea, and in the valley of Alma they poured out their thanks to God because he had been merciful unto them, and eased their burdens, and had delivered them out of bondage; for they were in bondage, and none could deliver them except it were the Lord their God.
Grief feels very much like bondage at times. It can smother a soul if it is allowed to do so. Only through our Savior can we move forward and heal from such pain. How grateful I am for my Savior and His healing power! He has eased my burden and led me out of bondage, for that I will be eternally grateful!
My mother lost her fifth baby, Justin. He was stillborn due to umbilical cord complications. My aunt Kathy wrote my mom a poem that draws a beautiful picture of the truths that are ours.
From One Gone Ahead
Dear mother, I went on a trip today
to see where I should have stayed.
I stopped in to see the little white crib,
I could tell the arrangements were made.
Eager young faces of sisters and brothers.
Brightness and hope on faces of others.
I wanted to stay, to be part there and grow.
But the time’s not quite right now, I know.
For my Father has asked me, “come back for a while.”
(You’ll miss my bright face and sweet smile.)
But a body was all I needed to rise
to heights yet unknown to your eyes.
Dear mom and dear dad, I love you, you see
for making a small special temple for me.
Please don’t be too sad or mourn long for me.
I’m going back home to learn at His knee.
I’ll learn well and work hard and when the time’s here
I’ll join with my family, of that don’t you fear.
Tell Heather, Lena, Jason, Jared, *and Nathan,
“Try to be good,” ‘cause I’m up here waitin’.
(Written by Kathy Westwood)
Dear mother, I went on a trip today
to see where I should have stayed.
I stopped in to see the little white crib,
I could tell the arrangements were made.
Eager young faces of sisters and brothers.
Brightness and hope on faces of others.
I wanted to stay, to be part there and grow.
But the time’s not quite right now, I know.
For my Father has asked me, “come back for a while.”
(You’ll miss my bright face and sweet smile.)
But a body was all I needed to rise
to heights yet unknown to your eyes.
Dear mom and dear dad, I love you, you see
for making a small special temple for me.
Please don’t be too sad or mourn long for me.
I’m going back home to learn at His knee.
I’ll learn well and work hard and when the time’s here
I’ll join with my family, of that don’t you fear.
Tell Heather, Lena, Jason, Jared, *and Nathan,
“Try to be good,” ‘cause I’m up here waitin’.
(Written by Kathy Westwood)
Praise be to the Lord for His eternal Love and His gospel that brings us the truths that keep us going! May your burdens be lighter today, is my prayer...
4 comments:
I didn't know your mother lost a child also. I'm always amazed at your strength.
I wish I was more like you!!! i really do. I am sitting here sobbing at your outlook on life and your amazing strength. I just want to thank you for having that amazing spirit. I really am very touched at your words. Thanks for sharing them!
I can't even imagine Lena. This is such a beautiful post and really strengthens my testimony. Thank you for sharing :)
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I was directed to your blog by a dear friend Janee. Your strength and wisdom inspires me, that I too can make it through the loss of my baby girl Preslie. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts.
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