I have started a blog where I write my deepest thoughts. Thoughts that I don't really care to share with the world. Some of the thoughts that I have tonight might fit into that category. However, I just think I will ramble tonight and maybe if any of you feel you have wisdom or insight that might help me, feel free to share.As a whole, I am doing great! Tonight, I write when I am tired. So don't fear that I am overcome with weariness. It's just that the kids are asleep and I have a moment to process the thoughts and emotions rolling around in my soul. I sure wish the timer would ring and the rolling would stop... Anyway, I guess I should get to the point. My thoughts...
How is it possible for one to throw herself on the couch in exasperated frustration because of the kids and their naughty antics, ponder how she can possibly muster the energy to refrain from raising her voice at them one more time, and at the very same moment be pondering whether or not it is time for another baby, and actually WANT another baby!? And how is it possible for this same mother to be at her wits end with the kids, ponder the thought of another baby, and want TWINS on top of that!? I think I'm going insane!
I have dreamed that I am giving birth to twins several times in the last week. Last night I delivered a healthy boy and a girl. Yes, this desire for twins definitely stems from the twins that I have already delivered. Do I think that I will be satisfied with another set of twins? I have absolutely NO Idea. All I know is that there is a part of me that is obsessed with the idea of having another set of twins. Leif and I have discussed it many times, trying to figure out why I would be crazy enough to even ponder the thought. We've concluded that it's a subconscious longing that has moved into my conscious mind. For a few reasons having twins would be good. The main reason being that I would have two children and only one pregnancy. However, there are many obvious reasons why having twins would be, insane? Ludicrous? Difficult? Uhh, yeah. So, why can't I get rid of the desire? Now days, having twins isn't as spontaneous as it used to be. With modern medicine and the knowledge of the "right" herbal concoctions, having multiples is not a far fetched idea or impossibility. This does not help my struggle. So what am I going to do? I'm going to talk to my doctor. If I'm lucky, he'll help me understand the risks that my body might face if I conceive twins again. At the very least, he'll share some wisdom and compassion with me...
I think this thought is enough for one night. The others are just the usual gripes I have about public school. Although I do have a question for you more experienced mothers. Tell me, how often did/do your kindergartners come home from school with workbook pages as the school work they did in school, and then more workbook pages to complete at home for homework? Jakob has ONLY brought home workbook pages. You know, the "circle the cat on the top shelf" type pages. Am I wrong for expecting more from Jakob's teacher?
By the way: Caleb's walking, how sweet is that!? He still looses his balance every once in a while. But he's on his feet most of the time now:) Precious Times!
6 comments:
I've only had one go thru kindy, but I'll share my experience. Chloe's math pages were out of a work book, but that was it. Her homework consisted of a 'take home book' to read and a work sheet related to that short book, to complete. She had one of these every day. They progressively got harder as the year went on and her skills grew. Other school work that came home at the end of each week was worksheets and her 'daily journal' that she wrote in. The only actual workbook they used and progressed thru was for math though.
Have you had a 'curriculum night' yet? I'd make a list of questions that you'd like to ask the teacher. If there isn't a curriculum night, maybe email the teacher? If you aren't satisfied with the responses and the education you feel Jakob is getting, request a change of class (if the other class is taught differently...). Good luck! Remember, you are your child's best advocate!!
Hello my little Lena,
I loved the picture you found for the heart. I empathize with the pain, confusion and frustration of working with school teachers and wanting the best for your child. Cindy is going through that with Tiarra's teacher right now...tough...
In FIRST-AID FOR FEELINGS there is a quote that Cindy wrote that I like: "When we as parents become unified through our Savior, He can raise our children through us.." pg. 79
I know few mothers who are more dedicated than you are. I know that as you ponder God will let you know what to do.
I also find great strength in doing cognitive therapy (see patriciapotts.com. do a search for cognitive therapy.)
May God bless you with wisdom, peace and His love today.
I've had times when I'm so frustrated and wonder how I can have more when my patience is gone. (we still feel like someone is missing in our family) I have to remember that it's not just me. I have Kevin also and I know that the Lord won't give me more than I can handle. Prayer....lots of prayer. That's all I can say on that. About school, Andrew and Danika had the same kindergarten teacher. They did workpages in school but it was all different for homework. If your concerned about it, ask his teacher. Wow he's walking already, man they grow so fast.
Lena - you're not crazy! I think it's just amazing how the Lord helps us forget all the sickness, emotional roller coaster, and PAIN that were associated with our previous pregnancies and deliveries (AND the current state of our sanity with our current children) and places in our hearts a real, true, intense desire for more children. I certainly wasn't ready for this pregnancy in any sense of the word, but no matter how much I tried to bury the desire under logic, rationalization, and my lack of patience and sanity, it was always there & became stronger until we tried again.
Okay - I can't ever say I've had a desire for twins, but I can certainly understand why you would. Just take it a day at a time & the Lord will most certainly guide you!
You are awesome!
My thoughts about kindergarten are pretty laid back. They have to start all the kids on the same level since some don't know as much as others. So I think if they've had a good preschool, then kindergarten might seem a little bland. I've sent my kids to great preschools & they've both come out reading at the end. Then they started kindergarten & I feel like they are starting over again! Hang in there. 1st grade & 2nd grades are MUCH better, I think!!
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