Ten Stressors – Four Coping Techniques – Who Am I?
PART ONE
1. I wish I could either heal, and be a normal healthy mother. Or just accept my ailments 100% and learn to work around them and find pure happiness: Truthfully, I need to accept the body that I was given and find gratitude in all that it gives me and make’s possible. There is so much to be grateful for about my body. There are many difficulties. But I need to focus on the goodness of my body. What is my plan? My plan is to journal every night at least one thing I am grateful for about my body that day, not mentioning anything negative. I have to find the positive, for I know that it is there! I might even write it by hand instead of typing it… An interesting thought.
2. I feel like I walk around with a storm cloud within my countenance the majority of the time. I don't laugh enough or smile enough, especially with or at my children: I know that much of this self perception and outward reality comes from a chemical imbalance and bad PMS. I will faithfully take the proper medication. This will help! I will also take the time to listen to funny speakers such as John Bytheway and Mary-Ellen Edmands.
3. I really want a bigger house. I want rooms with walls and doors. I want coat closets and laundry closets, and bathtubs and more then one bathroom. I want to live on ground level: We live rent-free in an upstairs make-shift apartment that is around 800 square feet. Our three children sleep in the one bedroom that has walls and a door (with a lock from the outside.) My husband and my bedroom is partitioned off by a curtain at night. The office is a closet sized room that used to be the baby nursery. We have lived here 5 years. This year I celebrated the arrival of a dishwasher and mini clothes washer and dryer. I have been given much, but I do dream of a normal house with more space. There is not much to do about this other then practice patience and gratitude.
4. I miss Leif's frequent company and help: My husband has either been a full time online student or worked a less then full time job for the last five years. He is currently a student in the evenings and working a full time job. I am trying to function and learn how to be without him. I miss his help and his company.
5. I wish we had money to get my hair colored every three months: This should actually say, “I wish I could look like I did before my five pregnancies.” Getting my hair done is just one thing that doesn’t take a lot of effort on my part to do and it brightens my self perception for a little while.
6. I wish life wasn't so expensive: So much of what we need and want takes money. Housing, clothes, cars, home school supplies, travel, etc. I just look forward to a day when the budget isn’t quite so tight.
7. I wish I could control my sweet tooth: I am addicted to rich ice cream and chocolate. It is a true addiction, and it ails me.
8. I wish that I lived closer to my sister: I wish that my sister and I lived close enough to have weekend visits and cook-a-thons. I wish our kids knew eachother better. I would just love her company.
10. My spiritual wellbeing is very much lacking: I have improved, but there is still more I could do. I just want to feel the spirit more often.
What (new) four techniques do I want to implement into my daily life?
Exercise: My goal is to exercise during Jakob’s math program, while JJ naps.
Yoga: My goal is to do Yoga at least three nights each week.
Massage Therapy: My goal is to get a massage every week. My husband is a massage therapist who recently opened up a Day Spa. I have had maybe two or three massages in the last several years. I have been too pregnant, sick, or not had a place to put the massage table up to this point. It is time to make an appointment with my husband. I will also have him alternate Cranial Sacral massage with traditional massage.
Comic Relief (John Bytheway, Mary-Ellen Edmands): My goal is to listen to a talk once a week. I will also look for reasons to laugh more. I won’t hold back. I might even pull down Leif’s Calvin and Hobb’s comic books.
PART TWO
My Physical Symptom’s Questionnaire score averaged 30. I would actually be surprised if it didn’t. I would obviously like to bring my score down, but at the moment the score seems accurate. Luckily, my severity score was in the low to mid range. However, my symptoms have persisted throughout the week.
PART THREE
Who Am I?
I am a 32-year-old woman. I was a High School graduate. I was a Professional Nanny. I was a Missionary. I was a Single Roommate living in Hawaii. I finally became a wife. I finally became a mother. I have been married for 8 years. I have been pregnant 5 times. I have six children. I have had one miscarriage. I have delivered one set of identical twin daughters. I have lost that set of identical twin daughters. And I have delivered 3 healthy still-living boys.
I am a daughter, a sister, a sister in law, a daughter in law, an aunt, a wife, a mother, a friend, a teacher, a student, a mommy-blogger, a neighbor, a counselor, a dishwasher, a chef, a laundress, a janitor, a taxi service, a party planner, a financial planner, and a vet.
Right now, I am a wife and a mother. Everything else stems from, revolves around, or takes a temporary back seat occasionally to these two things.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother. As a little girl, I would play with my dolls and play house. When I was old enough I would mother my siblings and friends. I still do this,(luckily that has calmed down a bit). I have always identified myself as a caregiver. And now, I am a mother. That is who I am.
When I grew old enough to notice, I recognized another longing within my soul. It was a feeling far more mature then that of my school age friends. I felt my soul searching for its other half. It was a feeling so profound within me that I often kept it within myself. I didn’t treat my heart’s desire lightly or flippantly. I knew that when I found him, I would be complete. And I was right! I am a wife. That is who I am.
There are a lot of significant experiences that have contributed to who I am today. As well as how I am at who I am today. As a child and into my youth I lived in a high- stress home, otherwise known as a chaotically cohesive family. This has been a huge influence on who and how I am. I served a mission for my church before I was married. This experience influenced me in countless positive ways. I learned about the power of faith in God. I also learned that I was a woman of interest and value, someone that a man could be interested in. Who would have thought I’d learn that while serving a mission? J When I married my husband, I found pure joy and peace for the first time in my life. His love and influence is a constant influence in my life. I had plenty of difficulties leading up to motherhood. But nothing has played a bigger influence on me physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, as pregnancy and motherhood. And so far, nothing has matched the loss of my girls. This experience alone has altered who I am mind, body, and spirit.
I am many things. But above all, I am a mother. I am a wife.
