Hard Things Do Pass!

I have so much to be grateful for. So much to celebrate. As you may have read from my last post, I often have hard moments or days when I wonder how in the world I am going to make it through the weakness and failures that I feel. But gratefully, somehow, better days and better moments do come.

After blogging the feelings I felt in my last post I laid down for a short nap. Soon Leif's mom came up and took the boys for us, and Leif and I went in to St. George for "a date." Overall it was a wonderful afternoon and evening together. As the days tick away towards the journey we're up against my emotions will suddenly take over at very sporadic and random moments. This day was definitely one of those moments. As we got on the road it didn't take long for my tears to start as we listened to music while we drove. Love songs, are so not a good idea right now unless tears are an option. I wasn't doing a very good job of expressing myself verbally to Leif for a while, In fact I was pretty much a brat. But luckily Leif persevered and helped me talk things through. I felt Much better after releasing the tears and talking for a while. It was so nice to be together without any interruptions. We shopped, ate, and then we went to a movie. We were only slightly irritated that our movie was canceled until a later time that night. It just meant that we were able to be together longer with a good excuse. We actually went to the store and bought a couple of fun little card games (Mad Gab and ?) We had a lot of fun eating our frozen yogurt and playing games while we waited for the movie time to come.

This moment was just one of many wonderful moments that have come since my Explosion post. I needed to share this moment to prove that whether soon after or much later, hard things do pass!

Leif's Deep Thought and other ramblings...

This is a papa/hubby post...

So I was thinking...(yes I know that many people may consider this dangerous and not recommended...especially for me...)  While I was thinking I came up with these deep thoughts.  They may also be considered incoherent ramblings, splashes of inspiration, idiocy, and many other names...

Many people may be upset now that employers, potential employers, school, and others may research who we are using popular programs like facebook, twitter, myspace, and many more.

This is what I think...

If you fear they will find you saying or doing stupid things, don't post them.

If you fear they will find who you really are, don't use these programs.

But even more importantly

If you fear they will find you saying or doing stupid things, don't do or say stupid things!

If you fear they will find who you really are, don't be!  Wouldn't you want your bosses, schools, and others to really know who you are now instead of later?  If you are a person of faith, let it be known!  If you are a family man, let it be know!  If you have a sense of humor, let it be known!  If you have challenges in life you over came, let it be known!

After reading this and you still are afraid of letting others learn about you, then start living a life that you should not be ashamed of!

~Leif~

I know not everyone will agree with that deep thought.

At the end of a day we should focus on what we accomplished and not on what we didn't.

~Leif~

At the end of day it is not important what we did or didn't do.  Everyone's days are inconsistent.  We all have good days and bad days.  But what is important is at the end of the day we should ask who we are.  Good people have bad days and bad people have good days.  At the end of the day ask yourself who you really are and if you like your honest answer then don't worry about the day.

~Leif~

Well that's enough deep thought for the moment....ok...I just thought of one more...

It doesn't matter if you are cut horizontally or into triangle or folded in half.  In the end you still are a peanut butter and jam sandwich.

~Leif~

Ok, time for ramblings...

As you may have noticed, Lena and I have been very busy.  Most of our focus and energy has been on getting ready for my move.  We've organized, packed, re-arranged, planned, wrote essays, shopped and more to prepare.  We have accomplished so much!  My hat goes of to my sweet Lena. As we have done this work, things on Lena's to do list have been neglected.  Rarely has she complained or let out the frustration.  It doesn't help that all the energy is for something that we are not looking forward too. (Me being gone for a year.)

It seems I have ran out of time to ramble...my too do list is waiting only semi-patiently...

Thank you everyone for your support for our family and more specifically for your support to my wife!

~Leif Baron~

Explosion!

I woke up this morning utterly and completely fatigued.  Leif even tried to talk to me around 6:15AM this morning because he thought we were having an earthquake (we've had a couple lately.) Apparently I didn't even stir.

By 7:00 all of the kids were awake so naturally that means I need to be awake. I can't really describe how I feel on this bad days. Besides the fact that I feel like I could sleep deeply all day, my head and my limbs feel like dead weight. Really, it's a great feeling!;) Well, I prayed myself out of bed and then read a couple of verses of the scriptures for an added boost and slugged out of bed.

Without going into every detail of my morning I will get to the point of my post. Well, this morning after the kids were fed and clothed, and Jakob was off to school I finally sat down to eat a bowl of cereal. I poured my bowl of Chex and JJ promptly decided he wanted my cereal so I gave it to him and I poured myself another one. -enters Leif to get himself a bowl of cereal- I sit down to eat and JJ stands up to eat his and begins spilling half of his spoon fulls on the padded chair he's sitting on. Really, there's no way for me to write the details of what happened next or why, you know, because I'm really tired. But suddenly I just SNAPPED! I just started yelling! I wasn't yelling at anyone but myself. Leif probably thought I was yelling at him. Truth is, I was only yelling at my lack of ability to keep things together. The only thing I remember saying is that I can't I have turned out like this! Then I began to list things: "This table hasn't been wiped down in FOUR days! The counter hasn't seen a cloth in maybe SEVEN! And my kid's eat mac n' cheese and hot dogs for dinner... IF THEY'RE LUCKY! (otherwise it's corn dogs or pizza) I went on for a little longer. The last thing I remember saying was "The BIZARRE thing is, no one seems to say or think that this is all incredibly weird! (to me this is WAY below my personal standards of  how I want to be) But then I looked up and Leif was silently staring at me... I went silent too.

Silence. That about sums it up. There is nothing Leif or I can think of to solve all of these annoying problems. I have great days that I try my hardest to catch up. I have good days. And then I have these terrible days. And for some completely unknown reason, this is my life. I am trying to figure out why chronic fatigue and  illness is one of the trials of my life. But it is. And some days, like today, I just Explode with the sadness of it's reality. And then, after stepping back for a little while, Leif and I look at each other with some indescribable understanding and love, and we gather the pieces I've just spewed all over, and we move forward. Because, after all, sometimes that's all we can do...

Times Flying!

Time's Flying and Here's What's Happening!

Thank you all for helping me find the right words to say when I mention Leif being gone for school. They were all helpful and apply well. So when I use them in the future you will know what I mean.

I haven't been able to blog as much as I would have liked to in the last month or so. So much is happening every day... every moment. I wish that I could just think it, and have it come out on my blog for the record. But it doesn't work that way. Anyway, without further explanation let me try to share a few thoughts and things happening inside my heart and behind the scenes. There will be no order of importance to these thoughts...

Our cat Annie is pregnant. She'll have her kittens around the second week in May. We're excited for that little distraction. So much is happening within the first two weeks of May. It will be one of those times that will stand out in the memory for a long time. Annie will have her kitties, my dear brother's Jason and Jared will be going through the temple. Jason will be sealed in the temple to his wife Hannah. Jared will be sealed to his wife Heidi in one year from now. This event alone is tremendously awesome. But then to have Leif leave within days of these events is mind boggling. The emotions surrounding those two weeks... Wow! That's all I can say!

Most of my family all live out in Missouri, Oklahoma, and Arkansas now. My sister and I are the only outsiders. So getting to my brother's special ceremonies is not a small or easy thing. And then throw in everything else that is happening at the same time, let's just say making a trip out there at that time is complicated... VERY! In fact, I can't even get into it tonight. I will leave it at this: I might be able to fly out by myself for two days to go to the temple with my brothers and family (including my sister) -or- we might drive out as a family and I will stay with the kids in MO for the summer and Leif will fly to school -or- I won't go to the temple ceremonies and I will drive out to MO in June with my kids and my aunt and uncle -or- none of us will make it out to MO at all this Summer. No matter how hard I try to plan and make what I want to happen, happen. It is all out of my hands. It all depends on financing and what the Lord has in store for us and we won't know anything until May 1st at the soonest. Waiting is NOT easy for me. I am a planner. Ugg!

My dear baby brother Nate lost his dog (Gooby) the day that he was moving to Arkansas. His dog just disappeared. This was devastating news because Gooby is really important to Nate. Our whole family felt heartbroken for him. In fact, we held a family prayer in hopes that someone would find Gooby and Nate could be happily on his way to a new life and adventure. Well, unfortunately, Nate had to leave without finding Gooby. Well, FORTUNATELY, three weeks later, Nate got a phone call and someone found Gooby!! Isn't that incredible!?I hope Nate recognizes that finding Gooby wasn't a coincidence. To me it felt like a hug from Heaven when Nate called to tell me. :)

I cut my hair all by myself today. Well, I got it cut short a week or so ago. But it still felt heavy and it just wasn't quite what I wanted. So, I put my hair in an elastic band and had Leif cut it. That gave me the shape. Then I took Leif's electric clippers and cut the rest. It was not easy, believe me! I was trying to look in a mirror and get my hands, eyes, and brain, to work together. It was funny. But it turned out great if I do say so myself;) I took a  picture I'll post later.

I have had a couple of really good days this week. Days where I feel alive. I have been able to get a lot done and the whole day I find myself taking moments to give thanks for the well-being that I feel. I pray that the goodness continues to become a regular reality.

Leif and I have been working non-stop to prepare for the journey we're facing. He has worked endlessly to fix things up and add things here and there around the house and the yard to make my life easier while he's gone. I am so grateful for his thoughtfulness and willingness to do what he can to make my life better. He found housing for the year that he'll be gone. And the rent is just what we had hoped for. We feel very blessed!

The boys started Baseball and T-Ball in the last week or so. It's really busy running them back and forth. I question sometimes if it's worth the sacrifice of our precious family time. But they really enjoy playing and we go to most of the practices and games as a family, so in the end I'm sure it will be worth it.

I Love my van! I feel comfortable driving it and everything feels so spacious my friend and I joked that my family could be content living in the van. It feels just like home;)

Since I have had better days this week Leif and I have finally been able to get back to our night time gym time after the kids go to bed. That alone is great. But the best part this week has been our evening talks outside in the perfect pre-summer evenings. We've sat out on the stairs and talked things through and just enjoyed some quiet uninterrupted time together. Priceless!

I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow. Time to sign off for the night.

What Is The Word I'm Looking For? - Feedback Please! -

Dear Readers,

I need your help!  I am in search of a word. I need a word that I can use when I talk/write about Leif's year away from home while he is in school. If he were in the military, the word would be "deployment." If he were going on a mission, I would use "mission." If he was running away from work and school I would use the word "sabbatical." However,  none of those words apply to our situation.  So, my wise friends and family, I will open this up to you. What word would you use for this situation? I look forward to your suggestions!

Foto Friday More March

Somehow my phone saved more March photos in a different place. So here is another round of fun things I had almost forgotten about.

Most of these pictures are of the kids and their friends, including our playgroup. And  the other half are of the community fundraiser for the school called Donkey Basketball. Leif participated this year as a rep from the Fire Department. He had a lot of fun and we had fun watching him. I was a little high stressed because I Really didn't want him to get hurt! It's not unusual for a person to fall off the donkey or worse fly over the donkeys head. Luckily Leif did a great job working with the donkey's that her road and he only fell off once. No major injuries. It was fun and I think he had fun supporting the students. He's such a good sport!!

A New Van! So Thrilled to Find This!!

I would be amiss if I didn't make a shout out of Gratitude for our new vehicle. We decided to go look for a van so Leif didn't have to borrow a car for school and we would have a vehicle at home that fit all of us and anyone else we wanted to drive around. We were thrilled to find this jewel right in our bracket of requirements that we had set before going shopping! We are So Grateful! I even took a big step toward overcoming a personal fear of driving long distances in busy places and Drove the Van Home From St. George! I was thrilled at my accomplishment, even if I did hit a poor little cottontail on the way. It Wouldn't Move!! 

2004 Toyota Sienna XLE

Foto Friday March

Service, Mama was sick, Playing in the yard on Grandpa Hunt's hammock, Playing with friends, Going to Fire Meeting with Papa!

Foto Friday February

February was full of Love just like it should be! There are pictures of the boys making valentine pictures to hang outside and birthday cards for both Grandma Hunt and Grandma Baron. The other pictures are of my boys and their sweetness, playing at grandmas, and Leif and I at a Utah Jazz game.

Tomorrow Just Might Be A Better Day...

Yesterday was a horrible day. Without giving you a play by play, I will just say that many of the good things that I had to look forward to like an appointment with a specialist at the University of Utah Hospital and more company to help me while Leif is gone,  were eliminated by the end of the day. And those weren't the only reason's that it was a horrible day. HOWEVER, by 6:00PM I was able to pull myself together enough to make dinner for the boys. That was an accomplishment, believe me. And then my Knight in Shining Armor practically had to pull me out of the house to take me to dinner (I was really a mess.) Thanks to Grandma and her willingness to watch the boys, Leif and I were able to get a much needed moment away and a great meal. I felt so much better!!

I woke up this morning feeling good. As the morning progressed the title for this post came to mind. The thought process went something simply like this: Question: "How would I describe the difference between yesterday and today?" ... Answer: "Don't lose hope! Tomorrow just might be a better day..."  And sure enough, it was!  G' Night All! Have a great Tomorrow!;)