How do I Cope?
M&M's! Lot's of M&M's! NO, Just Kidding!!!
Leif has lived away at school now for four months. I thought I would never get used to him being away. Let me clarify one thing before going on, the loneliness never really goes away. And you can't mark these words later when I have a rough patch in the upcoming road. But, I will say that I have come along in this journey to a point where I can enjoy the moment of our short visits for the joy that they are without coming unglued when he has to leave again. How have I come to this point?
I've noticed that I have started consciously stopping my heart and mind from wandering too far into a pity-party before I fall in too deep. When the loneliness tries to creep in or I start to dread parenting without his help before he even leaves, or just after he has left, I force myself to refocus my attention on the fact that we've all survived this long with plenty of good things along the way. We can continue on. I just don't let myself think or feel too emotionally about it all. I think this saves me. It's taken time. But it has come.
Leif left this afternoon and we had had a wonderful two days together. He was walking down the stairs to go and I told him that I had had a great time. He looked up at me with a little grin and gave the classic reply of "I did too! We'll have to do this again sometime." Just like the good ol' days of anticipating the next date, except there are no restrictions when you date your husband ;).
We have been blessed! Even though it is hard a lot of the time. I am grateful for the help that I have received in so many ways. It feels good to recognize that the pity-parties are fewer and further apart lately. We're coming along.
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