DECEMBER 11, 2013 Life As We Know It...

I've had a few close friends write me lately and ask me how I'm doing. I've been quiet online lately. If you know me well, you know that's a surefire sign of me being down. Either that, or life is just incredibly busy. And right now, both would fit.

There is Much to be grateful for and I am truly not without Gratitude for those blessings. But since I've been asked what is keeping me more quiet lately then I guess I'll try to put some of it into words without trying to sugar coat it.

My struggles are nothing new. My well being can fluctuate from fabulous to bedridden in a matter of one day to the next. The unpredictability and  lack of rhyme or reason is wearisome to say the least. Two nights ago I went to bed feeling as if I was surrounded by a dark cloud. No matter how hard I tried to cheer up I could not find it within my soul. It is a terrible feeling! And then without warning or known reason, when I woke up with one of the kids fussing at 2 AM that morning I realized I felt more light within my soul then I had felt in days. I felt strength and cheer. Vigor and motivation. I spent the next hour trying to wrestle between planning a sledding trip with Leif and the kids and going back to sleep. I spent a wonderful day with my family. It felt as if everything was well in the world. This feeling started to subside toward the evening. But it never completely left me. I have still felt alright for the few days after that one great day. But never like I was feeling. It seems after I have those high moments they gradually (or all at once) will just fade away and I'm back to battling for my sanity. For a clear mind and a strong body.

I've been asked about my MRI results for the Pituitary tumors that were found last year. I just had another MRI done last month. Well, apparently there were no signs of problems that were found on the MRI. Lovely! So the same symptoms are there (and worse) but the "reason" has gone missing again. When we read the results of that MRI, Leif and I had just gone through a stack of unpleasant medical bills. All for appointments that had led us NO WHERE. At that moment we both concluded that we're taking a break from doctors for a while. It's just way too expensive to spend money for no answers!

We're finding some answers for our kids though. Not necessarily pleasant ones...

You know, it's easy to talk about my kids when their triumphs and trials are fairly typical of the everyday ordinary child. But it gets more like walking on egg shells when things get more complicated. Sometimes I wonder and worry about what people will think. But mostly, I just want to respect their privacy. They will grow up and read this someday. And if not them, maybe someone else. But it's impossible for me to find time to write a private blog as well as continue this private blog. And a record needs to be kept. I rely on our blog as a reference and a documentary of our life.  And our life is what it is.  And the diagnoisis' given today will very likely change later on down the journey. So I just have to continue on writing how I have always written. Openly. Unless, I feel prompted otherwise.

Right now, Caleb has required our most urgent attention when it comes to getting medical help. We knew that all of our boys struggle with Sensory Processing Disorder. And for Caleb this has always been a very real struggle. But shortly before we moved to Missouri, if not just after, Caleb started showing signs of more struggles then just the SPD. He became more aggressive and disagreeable. Often times if he didn't get his way and Immediately, then he would go into a rage that if not turned off could become dangerous. Gradually he started becoming alarmingly defiant. I came up with a new "look" that he would give us as he intentionally disobeyed us. Not just little things, but big things. This was surprising to us and alarming. Then he started sneaking around and hiding the fact that he was naughty, and "stealing" became a topic of behavior. All of this is "normal" in childhood. But it all happened quickly and noticeably enough that we became concerned and then his teachers became concerned.

This is a really long story. But for the last handful of months we've been working with teachers, doctors, and specialists to observe and evaluate Caleb for everything from Seizure disorders to Autism Spectrum Disorders.  We finally got the diagnosis from the Pediatric Neuro Psychologist:. The diagnosis' as of today is: Sensory Integration Disorder (that's another name for Sensory Processing Disorder) and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. We agree 100% with the SPD diagnosis and gratefully, if he does in fact have the ODD we caught it early and there is a lot of hope that we will be able to help him (and us) create healthy life skills."