Today was the first day in a long time where I felt a lot of

Yep! We Could Use The Help. - Autism Conference

For the last several months Leif and I have been planning on attending the US Autism and Aspergers Association World Conference that will be held in Kansas City this September. Leif even got the days off from work. However, LIFE has happened and it's looking more and more like finances won't allow us to attend.

Today I spent part of the day feeling really bummed about it, and then I started wondering if we really even needed to go. What could they tell us that we didn't already know, right? I mean, we've got three little boys living somewhere on the Autism Spectrum and all with ADD tagging along for the ride. Surely we could probably speak at the conference! (J/K!!!)  No, I really didn't get that sarcastic in my thoughts. But I did slightly start to wonder if we were doing well enough that we could handle not gleaning from the resources offered at the conference...

And then I picked the boys up at the bus stop! HOLY CR**!!! We HAVE to find a way to get to that conference!! We need all the help we can get! I just turn off some of the stress while they're at school I guess and I'm able to breathe, think, and rest... and Forget?  - Crazy!

I know that struggles with Autism and Attention Deficit can be SO much worse then what we deal with. But ours are definitely enough for us at the moment...

Twas the Night Before School Starts

Twas the night before school starts and all through the house, the kids are still wrestling, including the mouse... :) Just kidding, don't worry, I'll stop the poetry. But the kids are still awake. It's so interesting how some nights can be so much harder then others. But I don't want to talk about that ongoing issue again.

Today was a fun day. We unplugged the computer last night so we all had to spend the day basically unplugged. And I felt blessed for the most part. It is especially hard for Caleb to go a full day without playing a computer game. Well, that's an understatement. It's VERY Hard for him to not play. So I knew it might be a hard day. Let's put it this way, I found a pretty sound proof location to lay down the law if need be now that we live in an apartment. The Van. We were riding in the van this morning and Caleb was crying and screeching because he wasn't going to be able to play computer when we got home and I kinda lost it... I yelled back until I coughed. "NO COMPUTER TODAY! NONE! NOTHING!... ..." I think I said it in a way that made it pretty clear that I was serious. :)  He only tried a couple times later in the day to sweeten me up and change my mind. Once he offered to give me some of his money and he even drew me a picture with two flowers on it. :) Tempting! But I held strong.

Today we played Tennis (I think we might get Jakob in to lessons, he really enjoys it.) Today we road bikes and walked on the walking trail. Today the boys got their hair cut at a great salon. They all handled their cuts great and the ladies were so charmed by their cuteness. The boys even got to sit in a massage chair while they had their hair washed. It was so fun!

It is so neat to be together every night for our family bedtime routine. Leif is able to make it home just in time to read scriptures and pray. There is strength in that!! And we are grateful for this blessing. Tonight was a special night for our family. Being the night before school starts Leif was able to give each of the boys a father's Priesthood blessing. I am always Amazed at how calm the boys are when Leif lays his hands on their heads to pronounce a blessing upon them. They sit so still and the feeling in the room is so peaceful and filled with love. It is truly wonderful! We were reminded this year through the blessings that the boys have special angels caring for and protecting them. They have twin sisters who are always watching out for them. This is such a sweet for our family. There is a reason we are here this year. We don't know why. But we have been assured through the spirit that there are specific reasons why were are here now. Truthfully, It is still hard for me to have to send my boys to a new school, Again. I miss everything about Columbian and Everyone we grew to love so much. But I can't deny the fact that we have been reassured time and again that we are in the right place. And so, we will continue to walk forward with Faith.

Tis' the night before school starts and all through the house, the children are Finally sleeping, and even that crazy mouse! ... :)

Yes Robin, Surly Now There Is Laughter In Heaven!

My heart and mind won't let me rest unless I write about the feelings I feel about the death of Robin Williams. I keep pondering what it may have been like when he reached heaven after finalizing his life in such a way. Some feel that he most likely entered into a realm of hell fire and damnation. An instant consequence for his terrible mistake. Most just feel sadness and leave the rest up to God. But I feel like I need to draw it out in a picture some how what I believe may have happened.

Have you ever suffered through a trial so dark and so intense that it changed the very fiber of your being? During this trial were you ever lucky enough to have a long lost friend of the dearest kind stop in for an unexpected visit? And when you open your door to this friend they open their arms wide for you with the most loving compassion humanly possible towards you and they pull you in to a hug and hold you there while you cry and cry. No words spoken. Just a peace and complete understanding surrounding you.

I believe this is what the reunion was like when Robin Williams entered in to Heaven. I believe his reunion has been followed by several other discussions and filled with a remembering of what he had left when he was born to earth and how it all fits together.

I believe there will be decisions made, "judgement". But that is how it will be for all of us. What we must remember is that God is Just. But he is also a Merciful and All Knowing God. There will be proper consequences to all of our sins according to a judge who has Perfect Knowledge of All Things. This alone brings me freedom from judging, and hope in mourning such a sad ending to such a gifted man.

A Lesson From My Children

Back to School Night:

My Thoughts and Feelings: Turn on the LIGHTS!! -  Where is the COLOR!? - Why are the teachers all so OLD!? - If your library is so big, why aren't the shelves FULL of books!? ...

The Boys' Expressions: Mom, this library is HUGE, you've Got to see it! It's Amazing!! - WOW! This gym floor is so nice and shiny, it smells good too. I can't wait to play on it! - Well, it looks like all of the kids are younger then me, so that will be fun! -  LOOK, my teacher has the PERFECT books for me (Civil War and Planet Earth). -  Papa! My teacher's name is Mrs. Harden, she looks like a Grandma! he, he, he. :) - Mom! There will be a lot of kids from the other apartment's on our bus, won't that be GREAT! ...

There is power in allowing our children to clear up our negativity and find the positive when we struggle to find it. There is also power in keeping our mouth's shut and allowing them to only see their innocent perspectives. There is Joy in allowing our children's goodness lead the way! 

How grateful I am for the lesson's my children reminded me of tonight.

ADD and Autism Are Just... Hard!

We went to our new ward today for church. The people were really nice and there was an overall good feeling there the whole day. But truthfully, by the time we got home I was exhausted and in a funk. It's just hard sometimes. It's hard going to new places where no one know us and no one knows our story. Our trials and triumphs. Then again, sometimes that is Really Nice! But that's a subject for another time and another post. :)

I think we all handled the struggles at church really well. JJ refused to eat ANYTHING the entire morning before church and honestly I completely forgot to insist on him eating until we were on our way to church at 1:00 and he was insisting that he was HUNGRY! Poor guy!! Gratefully, he fell asleep 10 minutes into the meeting. Caleb made it through 40 minutes of Sacrament meeting before his little body was ready to get up and MOVE! For the last couple of weeks his struggle has been picking at any sores he has on his skin. And if they aren't sores, he will turn them in to sores. And if it's not his nose, a sore, or a freckle;  it's his belly button. Sometimes we have to cover his belly button with a band aid to prevent an infection.  Well, today he started picking during the Sacrament meeting. And when I checked him in primary he was still twisting his skin and picking at it.

Right now, We're having bedtime battles with JJ and Caleb. JJ can't sleep because he napped through church. Caleb's not sleeping because his body won't let him. So far he has been caught searching the apartment for lost money, and emptying the fridge and making himself a snack. And he acts completely unaware that these things are a problem until we are seriously angry. We've followed the same bedtime routine that we've followed forever. But within the last year there are nights when we just can't win. We'll find him doing strange things throughout the night unless we stay right with him all night. He's unpacked boxes, climbed up to shelves in closets and accidentally dumped them, and he's made all kinds of food throughout the night. Sigh... In fact, I have to stop writing so I can go take care of the current struggle. It often feels like I am Constantly on the run!

The End of a Chapter - The Beginning of a New

And thus ends another chapter in the L&L Baron family story. We are officially moved out of the ranch House and in to an apartment in Willard/Springfield. Today as we drove away from the Ranch I was hit with the reality of this change. I thought about how JJ had run strait for the dirt pile when we stopped at the ranch this evening and what it felt like to call him away to get in the car, knowing that it will be a while until he can sink his little hands into the dirt again. I pondered the serenity and beauty that is endless around the Ranch. For some reason we just can't feel that at the apartment complex. ;) We will miss living on the Ranch! Nothing will compare to the precious gift this last year has been. There have been Many challenges. But there have been oh so many wonderful lessons and once in a lifetime experiences.

We have spent the last week with Grandma and Grandpa Baron and Erik, Stacey, and Victoria Baron. They made the long journey to spend a week with us here in MO. It was not really part of the original plan to have their visit overlap our moving days. In many ways I feel bad that it happened that way. It took time away from the time that we could have been playing. But I am also overwhelmed with gratitude for their love and support. They helped us in so many ways. Truthfully, we Never would have reached our goal to be moved out before the kids start school if it weren't for their help and the help that my parents, church members, and friends have given as well.

While the family was in town we spent a lot of the time just like ol' times, tinkering around fixing odds and ends (Big and Small), visiting, eating, and shopping. We also made time to spend a few days playing hard. We managed to work out the schedule so we could get my family together with Leif's family and have two BBQ's at the Ranch, one which included night games and dutch oven. Another afternoon we went to Joplin Falls and swam in the river. We also went to Silver Dollar City and had a wonderful time and came home Exhausted!! Caleb experienced his first roller coaster ride. He went on Thunderation. He LOVED It!!! We were so thrilled to see his excitement and pride afterward. One of the nights everyone except the little boys and I went on a haunted castle tour. They had a good time until the end when Jakob suddenly Passed Out flat! He had gotten overheated and excited and passed out and then vomited to add more excitement to the experience. Everyone came home pretty shook up. :(  And today before Leif took everyone to the airport we all went to Bass Pro Shops. We had a fun time walking through the shops and museums. It was a great way to end our time together. We're already trying to plan the next time we'll be together...

The boys start school next week. They are excited. I am looking forward to the way school helps them in general. But I feel nervous and hopeful about the upcoming weeks as we get to know teachers and the school and find out how the overall dynamic will be for that part of our life. We will also go to our new ward for church tomorrow. We have heard many good things about church and the school. So I am praying that all will go smooth enough to find the peace that is to be found.

I have set a goal to write again. It has been a year since I've written regularly. It is time to write again... so, here's to the amazing chapter that is ending and to the new chapter that is just beginning.