If I Had Known What I Know Now...

Eight years ago today we had to say goodbye to our baby girl. We were forced as parents to make the hardest decision a parent can be asked to make in their journey as a parent. We had to take our baby girl off of her life support and allow her spirit to go back to heaven for a while.

If I had known then, what I know now... If I had the chance to say goodbye again, there are a few things I would be sure to do. I share these thoughts from my Mother Heart with a prayer that my forced wisdom might bless another mother along the way...

If I knew that I would be forced to say goodbye so soon:

I would have INSISTED that the docs and nurses in the NICU allow Leif and I to hold Rhea many many times before that fateful day. I think it is very sad that my first time holding my baby was also my last.

I would have taken A LOT more pictures and videos then we did.

I would have hired a professional photographer to be with us along the journey and especially during those last hours.

I would have had Jakob hold his baby sister a lot and gotten pictures of them together before they took her off of the ventilator.

These are just a few things. But in the long run and after all is said and done, this is what we have to hold on to for the years to come.

All is well enough for us. We have many many precious mementos and good enough photos and a precious painting that we cherish. But every now and then, I allow myself to ponder a few of the things that I wish could have been.