Spring and Summer have always been my best months. My healthiest months of the year. Sure, I get a rash from the sun sometimes. :) But I feel so much better inside and out. I feel like the grass and the flowers as they stretch themselves out towards the sun to warm themselves and grow into their beautiful potential. That is how I feel lately. I feel a fight within to shake off this terrible illness that holds me bound down and keeps me from sharing my best self with my family and the world around me.
Even if the disease just climbs in a hole somewhere and feeds off of itself instead of me, I've decided I'm okay with that. Even just a remission of this illness would be fine. But I want it with every fiber of my soul! So this is going to be within every prayer I pray and within all of my actions. I am praying from a remission of this Chronic Fatigue and Illness. My family needs me and my God needs me to shine forth more fully.
I know I have written about my coming to peace with being chronically ill before. And I am, if it must be. But I am also stubborn. I have rarely been able to just settle and wait for good things to come. I fight for them and think about them constantly. That is how I feel now. It's time. There is so much happening in our lives as a family and within me. I need to be fully alive.
Now, just as I write this I have a humbling. A reminder that All things are in His hands. No matter how much I Want this. I want His perfect plan to play out even more. I really do. In the end, when all is said and done, His plan always turns out to be the most brilliant.
And so with that said, I will do all that I can possibly do. Including a constant pleading unto Him for a Remission of this illness. And then I will lay it at His feet and continue to walk with Hope and Faith to my journey's end.
This morning I opened the scriptures and found comfort in the following verses. These remind us of our responsibility to ask and work. But they also remind us that Father in Heaven has a plan for us. And it is miraculous as it is. I will pray fervently for the grace of this remission. But I will also remember that He is the Miracle Worker.
Doctrine Covenants section 88:63-64 "Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you;seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
Whatsoever ye ask the Father in my name it shall be given unto you, that is expedient for you"
Romans chapter 4:16-22 " 16 Therefore it is of faith, that it might be by grace; to the end the promise might be sure to all the seed; not to that only which is of the law, but to that also which is of the faith of Abraham; who is the father of us all,
17 (As it is written, I have made thee a father of many nations,) before him whom he believed, even God, who quickeneth the dead, and calleth those things which be not as though they were.
18 Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations, according to that which was spoken, So shall thy seed be.
19 And being not weak in faith, he considered not his own body now dead, when he was about an hundred years old, neither yet the deadness of Sara’s womb:
