The truth is, today was the kind of day when I should have worn an elastic band around my wrist to help me relieve some of the ever-building tension within. It was the kind of day when sudden images of "cutting" surged through my mind in response to intense situations like constant Melt Downs and questions of Why!? and Can I Have!? and Where's my Kindle!? and STOMPING FEET! Seriously, for me, these kind of days are like living in a nightmare.
Today we FINALLY got in to see a doctor who accepts the boys particular insurance (which the state has forced us to use.) We have to get a TB test and a Physical for the boys in order for them to be enrolled into school. But it's been major surgery just to find a doctor in our area that accepts their insurance. So, we finally got in. Waited ONE HOUR AFTER our appointed time to meet the doctor. Only to be told that the boys insurance (Hawaii Medicaid) has canceled the boys insurance for an unknown reason. NICE!!! Can I just say I'm Pulling My Hair Out when it comes to the boys' schooling!!!! They are Completely disagreeable at this point when I try to get them to do their work. They fight me every step of the way. So to have this enrollment be so drawn out is very sad for me.
They won't even be able to start until this Fall at this rate. I'm weary of the guilt and frustration. Deep down, I know that they are smart kids and will make it academically in the long run. But I feel sad about all that they're missing and all that they need right now. And I am TIRED from not having a minute to myself. I need to find a solution in order to save the relationships.
And have I mentioned that my Ambian won't transfer over to this pharmacy from California because it's a "Controlled Medicine." So my nights are filled with rest-less sleep and nightmares. This is not a good thing for my health.
So this is The Truth behind the Struggles. And Gratefully, there is Truth in the Beauty of my life as well. Everything will work out. Even the many other stresses that I didn't bring up. Some how thing always work out for Good. I am profoundly Grateful to live in my "Happy Place" my "Blue Skies and Sunshine." My life is filled with Love and Joy. And for these silver linings amidst the clouds I am Truly grateful! And this Is The Truth!
1 comment:
Wow! So much struggle for such a simple thing. I know the time with someone else teaching will be a big blessing. Keep pushing through. I am praying for you that it all gets straightened out. I know it is not ambian, but I love vetiver for sleep, it calms the mind chatter too. If you have some or can get some locally it might be worth a try. I really hate the person I turn into when I am stressed. Just saying be less stressed is not helpful when the stressors are out of our control. I don't know the answer but hold tight to what brings light and hope to your soul soak up the good moments and I am slowly learning to not beat myself up for all the things I can't control. You would never condem a child for stumbling when they are learning to walk even after you think they have it down. This whole life life is about learning to walk like our heavenly parents. They love us a lot and are excited for all our steps. I know they love you and are there when we fall. Prayers that today is a better day!
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