Eating struggles are nothing new for us. JJ has Sensory issues and Caleb struggles with the desire to eat and the ability to stop and take the time to eat, as well as the ability to open everything in a timely manner if needs be. We have only had ONE school who was able to truly work with us and accommodate Caleb's needs for supervision and assistance during lunch and that was our beloved Carthage Elementary in Missouri. How I miss them!
Caleb will only be attending this school in Hawaii for a handful of days. Otherwise, the story I am about to share would be carried out a lot more then it is going to be at this time. However, the situation is definitely disturbing and they WILL get some education from me, if I can help it.
Caleb's been attending school now for over a week. And every day he has come home with his entire lunch that I sent him completely untouched, or only very little eaten. When I've asked him why, his most common answer was that he didn't have enough time to eat. Another answer was that he just wasn't hungry or didn't like what I sent. Either way, he was spending the day in school having eaten very little. So I resorted to my "Go-To" meal.
When I need to pump nutrition (vitamins, protein, carbs, and calories) into Caleb quickly I will give him a chocolate nutritional shake. Knowing that it doesn't carry the entire day's nutrition in that one can, but at least I can guarantee that he will get that much. So I gave Caleb this shake for lunch this morning. Knowing that he would drink it. I even suggested that he ask the lunch lady for help opening it instead of wasting time trying to open it himself. That was the big mistake.
According to Jakob, who was "the office worker" in the office today (whatever the heck that means.) He overheard the office ladies talking about his brother Caleb. He said that when the lunch lady saw what I had sent for Caleb she took it away from him right away, telling him that it wasn't a "Healthy Choice." She then took him to the school lunch line and was told to get a lunch. Mind you, I purposely sent all of my boys with home lunches while in Hawaii because I had food I needed to use up, and I didn't want to deal with balances when it came time to leave the island. So there was no money in the account when Caleb got this lunch.
After the lunch was over, Jakob (who was the delivery boy for the office) was then asked to deliver a "Negative Funds" notice to Caleb to give to me. On it is hand written the words, "Please Pay" with no other explanation of why in the world I have this balance to pay. I wouldn't have a clue if Jakob hadn't overheard. And Caleb isn't able to recall the details of the entire situation.
I was able to get a few details out of Caleb though. He said that the lunch lady took his lunch and told him it wasn't "food." He kept saying, "Mom! You need to send me FOOD next time!" Yeah, thanks for the help and reinforcement school. Now Caleb questions whether or not I know how to feed him properly. Fabulous!!
When I asked where the shake was he said he threw it away. I asked if he had drank it. He said that he only ate the salad, the green beans, and the carrots from the school lunch. Just like I knew, no protein or calories for energy. Anyway, he said when he got to class his teacher had a "strange" talk with him about not bringing this kind of lunch. But somewhere between then and getting out of class she let him drink the shake. When I asked if she sent me a note to tell me not to send the shake again, he said "YES!!" and he handed me the Negative Balance slip. Nice!
So, needless to say I was beyond Mad!! I was Furious. For so Many Reasons!! I think the main reason was that I had tried to help Caleb, but also tried to make their life easier by sending the shake. And they made me feel like a terrible mother. I could have called earlier and told them that I wanted them to watch my child extra during lunch and make sure he ate. But I chose to try this instead of making them think I was pinning blame on them. Which I'm not. Him eating isn't a new problem and I was sending a solution. But they are ignorant of how to handle such a Special Needs situation, i guess. Which is sad in and of itself.
So, what am I going to do?
Well, tonight I'm exhausted after a VERY long day. What I want to do is send the shake again having written on it, "Don't you DARE take this away from Caleb. Call me if you have a problem with that!!" What I am Really going to do is, send the drink and write on it "This is Caleb's lunch. Please do not take it away or send him through the school lunch line. Please call me if you have any questions. Mahalo! Lena" I will also write a note to Caleb's teacher explaining the situation in detail and ask her to call me if needs be. I will also reassure her that Caleb gets plenty of food in the morning and in the evenings, including vitamins to do our best to help him stay healthy.
Life as a mother with more then one child on the Autism Spectrum and ADD is incredibly wearisome! We battle the ENTIRE day for one reason or another. Sometimes it is very tempting to just gather in the troops from the public, hunker down, and survive on our own. But in the end, that is selfish and unhealthy for the kids and for us. But it's tempting. The desire to RETREAT!!!
I will not retreat! I will carry on. Tomorrow is another day. In fact, I'm going to the beach. So all is well in the world, right!?
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