Surrounded by Beauty and Joy - Yet Incomplete

There is a common struggle that we face as spouses separated by Deployment or Employment Abroad. There's not really a name for it, other than maybe "Incomplete Joy."  I am faced with the fact that I am surrounded by nature's majestic beauty and the excitement that comes from living on a homestead in the mountains of Southern Utah. But even with all of the glory that surrounds me, at times I'm unable to completely feel the joy that it emanates. I am incomplete. And there is only one explanation for the way I feel. My husband isn't here to share it with me. The joy, the beauty, the new life...

This can go both ways really. It can cause a lot of friction if not kept in check. One spouse may be experiencing an African safari while the other is wrestling the crazy kids on the home front. Or, like us, one may be preparing to bring home the new bottle calves for the boys to raise or living on the beach in Hawaii while the other is working double overtime to pay off the bills and create a savings. It's very easy to build up resentment towards each other in these situations. In my world, I try hard to fight against that resentment when it comes, and the result sometimes tends to be loneliness. Not despair. Just a sense of sadness that Leif's not here with us to relish in the joys we're experiencing.

We're looking at another four months of separation with a mini vacation to Missouri in between. We've tackled one month so far. Today it feels A Lot longer then one month. Wow! I shouldn't have done that math. ;) The daily grind makes it feel so much longer.