Joshua is 18 Months Old

This Little Man is 18 Months Old today.  This month is a right of passage month as it is the age that babies can start going to the nursery at church.  I've never truly been thrilled to let my babies go. It's not that they aren't safe. And I take them. But to me, this feels like the "kindergarten" of church and I always feel a bit sad when the time comes. Grateful for the help it brings me as he is never still for a moment and I have responsibilities to fulfill at church. But still sad that my baby is stepping into Toddlerhood and I hate it!

Leif and I marvel every day about the beauty of this little boy. The decision to have another baby was so scary and hard. But we are grateful Every Day that he is here!!!  Joshua is a Light.

He is finally healthy after a hard winter. He is eating food. He loves most things except vegetables. That's a first for our babies, actually. But hopefully he'll come around and find a balance. He still drinks a bottle before every nap (1 or 2 naps) and throughout the night (still wakes a few times each night. But is getting better about sleeping as he is growing). His bottles are where he gets most of his calories. We mix our own mixture of powder milks and formula to give him as much nutrients and calories as possible in each bottle. His tummy still seems sensitive to dairy but is happy with the mixture we have.

Joshua LOVES to climb and run!! He absolutely LOVES to be outside! And playing in front of the bay window is his favorite place in the house. He babbles and sings constantly. Loves to "read" books. And LOVES animals, cars, and dinosaurs.

Joshua is definitely "the baby" and the "last" child. To prove this point he has managed to create a bedtime habit of insisting on watching a show with Mama and Papa as he falls asleep at night. Honestly, we don't mind much. We love the snuggles with him and he falls asleep quickly.

Joshua needs a haircut. But "Man Buns" are in style and I intend to follow the trend as long as I can with his strawberry golden locks.

As you can tell, Joshua is the light of our busy growing up lifestyle right now. I LOVE watching my big boys interact with the baby. They all Love him as much as Leif and I. Each one of them having a unique relationship and way of interacting with him.

Weight Loss - Shopping - Trips - Oh My!

Things are looking up and Spring is around the corner.  I'm not taking many pics or selfies these days. My face is still bruised from the mouth surgery I had last weekend. Had a couple molars pulled. But it's getting better. And day by day I'm feeling stronger. As we suspected my body was thrown for a loop as a result from the surgery. But gratefully my boys and Leif helped keep the house together and the baby cared for. They really amaze me. Their ability and willingness to help is such a blessing!

I've still been following the HCG Diet. Unfortunately, since I've gotten down to a weight that I haven't been for a long... long time, and because of all of the health events the past few weeks. My body is NOT letting go of any more weight at the moment. So I've decided to stop using up the valuable/Expensive HCG for the time being and focus on strengthening my muscles. 

overall, I lost 15 pounds.  I have enough HCG left to help me lose about 5+ more. I will be thrilled if I can maintain where I'm at and then lose the last bit next month.

At the end of April I get to go on a trip to Missouri to my brother's wedding. I'm excited to see my family and to spend time on The Ranch and with the new horses and calves in The Arena. I'm also looking forward to cleaning myself up a bit and enjoying the time. I'm going to buy a new dress and shoes/boots for the wedding and a few outfits maybe. I'm going to FINALLY go get a decent cut/style and highlights for my hair. And, hopefully I'll catch a bit of a tan at the beach before then too. 😉

The big decision before then though, is to decide whether to take the baby with me on the trip. Only my parents and Jared have met/seen him before. I'd really Love to take him to meet everyone. Also, I think I'd be lonely and stressed if I left him home. I haven't left him more then a few hours before. BUT, it will be A LOT of work to bring him along. He's a baby and that means gear, naps, bedtime, snacks, fussing, etc... Do I have it in me to go it alone??? That is the question...

So, like I said, lots of good things happening and to look forward to. I'm So Grateful that Leif is willing to work So Dang Hard so I can spend his money. I sure do Love the man!! ❤  And I'm grateful Father helped me along the way to lose the weight that I needed to to lighten the load on my bones, heart, and soul. A true Blessing!!!

The Holy Bible and The Book of Mormon Timeline

Our friend Haley who was baptized last month is coming over tonight for a "lesson." That's what she likes to call our visits about the gospel. :)  I asked her what she wants to talk about and she said she wants to talk about how the Book of Mormon and the Holy Bible are written during some of the same time periods and how that correlates. This will be a fun visual for my kids as well as Haley.

I found some great resources to help us visualize and put things into perspective. I'm always so grateful when I don't have to "reinvent the will."  Other people have already done all of the hard work. 

Here is a website that has compiled a timeline of the two books together. How awesome is this!!??

LDS SCRIPTURE IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER

I will use a basic world map to show the different parts of the world where the events of the books are happening (The Holy Land and The Americas). I'm looking forward to our discussion and visit. 

We're almost through the month of February. I can't believe it! This month has been better to me emotionally and mentally. But physically it's still been a little difficult. Between me and the baby we've been to more then half a dozen doctors appointments and procedures.

And I pretty much hate my new doctor 😭it's such a pain to find a new one!!! But this one won't prescribe any of the meds that keep me functioning. So now I have to scramble to find a new doc before all my refills run out. It's really discouraging and makes me so grateful for my past doctors who trusted me and gave me strong meds, trusting that I wouldn't abuse them. Sigh...

Joshua's been sick for several months now. I'm so glad we like his pediatrician! He's got RSV/Bronchitis now. Before that it was Influenza A. It's pretty ridiculous. I'm sure looking ford to Summer! I need a trip somewhere. 😎

Leif's just finishing up his final FNP class before his Precepting starts. He is flying out to Chicago this weekend for a big in person exam at his school. I can't wait until the 1st of March. He'll be done with school until we can find a Preceptor for him to round with. And don't even get me started on that!! We've never had something be so hard to fall in to place.😣😫😤😩😠.

So, on THAT not so POSITIVE note... the boys are doing well in school! And our ward family is Fantastic!!! And we have a new friend who was baptized this past weekend. 💗

So, in between the struggles, there are plenty of great things going on to keep us going. 😁

A Trip to The Mayo Clinic

The Mayo Clinic is a world renowned hospital known for working with complicated and rare diseases. They are champions in the field of research and diagnostics. 

Over the years as I've battled chronic illness I've always wished that I could have an appointment at the Mayo Clinic. But I never had the proper insurance carrier to go there; until now.

I realized yesterday that this very well might be the time in my life when I could qualify to go. And sure enough, our insurance is within their network. Even with the closest clinic being in Scottsdale Arizona. So today I called for an appointment. There is a huge need for care for the particular condition I'm seeking care for (Autonomic Dysfunction/Dysautonomia/Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) so there is a long waiting list. But that's ok with me. I need some time to prepare. 

once I get my appointment I will be flying or driving out to Scottsdale for a week of extensive testing and consults. It's not going to be convenient in any way, shape, or form. In fact, there's a possibility that Leif won't even get to go with me. Which would be SUCH A BUMMER. He might be in the middle of precepting for his FNP program. I am praying that it will all fall together so that he will be able to go with me.

While there, I will also have the chance to be tested for Osteogenesis Imperfecta and a second opinion about the Behcet's disease diagnosis. It will be monumental in my life to be able to talk with specialists about all of these conditions IN ONE PLACE.

Feeling Grateful and Excited!!

HCG Diet 2.0: Twenty Days In

It's been almost two weeks since I've updated about the diet. We're about twenty days in and it's been a success so far. I have lost about 13 pounds. I'm actually going to take a couple of days off because I'm going food crazy due to my period about to start. Also it's Valentine's day tomorrow. So I'll follow more of a Keto style diet for the next few days and probably a cheat or two. Hopefully it won't mess things up too much.

I have an absolute minimum of 10 pounds more I want to lose. I'll be thrilled if I can lose 15 more. I have enough HCG for another month. I'll keep you posted.

HCG Diet 2.0 Update: One Week

This week has been a whirlwind. Filled with a lot of struggle and sickness unfortunately. The stress has caused my auto immune disease to flare leading to a mouth full of sores. So eating has been limited to my shakes. Period. So the weight loss, yeah, it's happened. I'm NINE POUNDS DOWN.  That is a lot of weight and the docs would probably be right if they told me that was too much. But I'm not complaining. At least that's one thing this week that hasn't struggled. ;)

Little Man Has the Flu

We have finally figured out what has made Joshua so sick. He has Influenza A. Poor guy is miserable!!  So are we!  The only time that is a repreave believe it or not is during the night. He's so sleepy that he sleeps six hours straight which is better then his norm. Otherwise, yowza it's bad! His fever was 103. That's what tipped us to know it was more then a bad cold. gratefully that's broke.

My HCG Diet 2.0 Staples

Following the HCG Diet is working it's magic. That's for sure. I'm so grateful for the quick results! There's NO WAY I could stick to a typical reduced calories/exercise diet right now. NONE! Emotionally and Physically, things are too hard to make sacrifices that don't pay off quickly.

I started this round of HCG on Friday. It's been five days. I've lost 6 pounds. Yesterday, I went through the detox day. Where the body has burned so much so fast that all the crap that was stored in the fat is floating around waiting to be flushed out. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. So. Much. Pain. So I drank LOTS of water and prayed that I would feel better today. And I do. I am SO GRATEFUL!!

I took a picture yesterday of some of the staple foods and products that I use to help me get through the strictness of the diet. I think it sums it up well. I'll take more as the journey progresses.

It's been a few days since I've written. I'm having a rough go right now. There's not one single reason. I think it's just the load of life. We can't shake the Winter Sickness. It's been a long time since we had to deal with so much sickness. We were isolated for a long time as Travelers and Home Schoolers. So it's hard to get used to having so much snot, coughing, and headaches to deal with. Especially with a baby who is building up his immune system. Uhg!!

I forget it's the dead of Winter too. My body really likes to hibernate during the Winter. So even though it's often Sunny I think it still knows that in the past we went in to hibernation mode. This makes me really grateful for all of the big windows in our apartment that I can see the sunshine through.

PMDD has been BAD this month. Really Bad! The kind of bad that reminds me how closely PMDD can resemble a Multiple Personality Disorder. It's extra difficult because if something is planned at one moment that needs to be carried out in another moment, I could be feeling a completely different personality and ability. It's embarrassing and a Nightmare!!

And the longer we stay living in one place, the more it shows to other people how unstable my personal world can become at times. I have to remind myself that the huge majority of the people around me are clueless of the inconsistencies. Most people are just not that observant. But I am. And I recognize them. And it's Really Hard!!

No Longer Worshiping The Holy Chocolate God

There are only a few things that I don't blog about. My weight is one of them. But since I know that weight and eating habits is a very common subject we all think about and work on throughout our lives. And I have said that Mama's Thinking Corner is "as real as it gets." I've decided to "come out" of my comfort zone and share with you my journey.

I haven't talked about my weight, because I don't want to draw attention to it. I usually don't like the way I look. So why encourage others to look closer, right? So this is a big deal to me. The other reason I don't share, is because my body and how it works/doesn't work, is far from the norm. So it takes drastic measures to get any changes. And I feel judged and lazy because of it. So, for the last three+ years I have quietly taken the drastic measures needed and followed the same pattern over and over (minus a pregnancy in between.) 

And here I am again, beginning the new "cycle" for the new year. But this year is a bit different. I'm changing the end part of the cycle.

If you know me well, you know that I have a true blue, through and through, full on, Chocolate Addiction. The kind that can become all consuming if not kept in check. The kind that would be classified as an alcoholic if I drank alcohol.

So starting October 31st through January 1st is the beginning of my personal holiday of worshiping the Holy Chocolate God, without guilt. Because, hey, it's TRADITION!!!  🎜🎜🎜(sorry if you don't get that joke ;)  And then on January 7th for my birthday, my dear husband agrees to let me spend a ridiculous amount of money to buy what I need to loose the weight gained during my Holy Chocolate God worshiping binge. And in a couple of months I'm back to a healthier state until October 31st. ... Except not this October 31, 2019. I'm not going down the Holy Chocolate God worshiping road again. And that's that. I'll write about it, and lament then. But the decision is MADE! 

So for now, I am 10 pounds heavier then before my Holy Chocolate God worship trip this year. And exactly 21 pounds to where I want to be.

Alright, here's the explanation. My body is clinically unable to handle exercise other then walking and lifting my 20 pound baby. And if you know anything about the human body, you know that you have to turn on the metabolism to burn the fat. And then you have to decrease the intake of calories to allow the body to burn the right fat load. And anyone who Really Knows about the body knows that strolling to the school everyday is NOT the key that will unlock the fat burning furnace door. So I require a Key. Something more then just decreasing the calories. So I have two choices thanks to modern day science and education.
I could follow the Keto Diet. Or the HCG diet. 

I tried the Keto diet once and I can't stomach it. I have studied old fashion holistic health and nutrition too long to get my mind to wrap around the fat intake. I believe in the science. But I literally can't get myself to eat it and enjoy it. Also, once I stop following the diet, I now have a TERRIBLE habit and liking for some Very Very unhealthy foods when I'm not following the diet. For example, if you add sugar and bread to the keto diet you have entered a very Fast Track Pass to Weight Gain City. So, I just can't do it.  

The HCG diet wasn't much better for years. In fact, I wrote about it here about 10 years ago after following it. Gratefully though, scientists and doctors have continued to study and have created a much healthier and realistic plan for following the HCG diet. In fact, after three years of me using HCG Injections, I have Finally found HCG drops or even patches that are strong enough to use as an alternative to the injections and less expensive. And for those of you who followed the original HCG diet with only eating 500 calories a day and yada yada yada of HARD STUFF; I'm telling you, it's not as hard as it was!!! Still not easy. But definitely not as hard!! I am using a book called the HCG 2.0. as a guideline. My personal calorie count is around 550-600 calories each day. And still almost no sugar and carbs. But we are able to eat some fats that come from proteins. But still no hard cheese. Not That Much fat. :) I'll post some of my meals and foods as I go. 

And seriously, I lose weight. It's the only way my body is able to let go of the fat. And it's pretty fascinatingly awesome! Stay tuned for more updates and stories over the next few months. 

Family Life Photo Dump!!

Caleb and JJ are excited to participate in the scouts Pinewood Derby this weekend. This is one thing I have done my best at making sure all of the boys have participated in and worked on with Leif. Even when Leif lived away from home, some how he has always managed to help the boys on their cars and they've had a great time! 

Joshua LOVES stuffed animals. LOVES THEM! This is him in the bin of animals at Walmart. :)

Joshua is reading us a story. This is a cute pic Leif caught of me listening to Joshua..

I haven't rewatched this. But it was cute when I recorded it. So hopefully it's appropriate. lol!  Joshua LOVES to be read to and to read to us. 

I walked in the room after asking the boys to feed the baby something and he had licorice running down his mouth. :) Mmm!

Guess who finally lost his two front teeth!? And he sounds so cute!!!  

My little Dapper boy waiting and reading with Papa at the Neurology appointment. He passed with flying colors. No more residual problems from the rough birth. 

This is a pic of me trying to get a pic of all of Joshua's curls. But he moves so fast. It's almost impossible to really catch how cute they are. 

This is the rain. It RAINED AND RAINED for an entire week. They say it was Very unusual. It was fun at first. Then, not so much. We Love our sunshine!!

And this my friends, is a clean bathroom counter. It took months for me to really get it cleaned off. But I finally did. This is my "Just Keep Swimmin'" Pic tht reminds me that we just have to keep trying and eventually what we're working towards WILL get done as long as we keep working on it.:)

This week is supposed to be my GOOD WEEK! But, alas. it is Not! 😕 I am trying so hard to make it Great! But I just feel Blaaa. Not sure if it's the change of meds; the lack of Welbutrin or the new Celexa? Or if I'm still getting over the virus from last week. Or a new one. Or just... what?

But it's a huge bummer! I feel like I have so much insight right on the tip of my brain, screaming to come out. But there's a huge fog there blocking it from coming out clearly. And when I can finally find the words I am either too tired to get up and write it down, or I am suddenly interrupted or distracted and the thought is then Gooone!

Sigh... Someday the words will flow again... Until then I just keep fighting to take care of my tribe and enjoy my life as it is... Beautiful, enough. 💓

I am Thrilled to say that I've FINALLY seen a star fish living in their natural habitat. 😁 Leif and I ran away for an hour on Saturday to check out the HB pier during a negative tide. It was a Gorgeous day! And just as I was hoping there would be, there was a star fish nestled amongst the shells. Next time I might take a board out so I can get close enough to touch it. 

What a blessing it is to live so close to the ocean!! 

What a day

We Caught The Sickness... uhg!

What day is it???  Seriously! I think yesterday was Sunday. But I was asleep the entire day. I vaguely remember Leif wearing a suit somewhere in between asleep and awake.

A few days ago Joshua ended up being really sick with a stomach virus. Right before he got sick we had a day filled with doctor visits. Jakob was officially diagnosed with mild yet, active arthritis (again.) But this time the doctor had a brain and actually helped us move forward on what we could do to help him. Gratefully we won't have to use systemic medication for him. He thinks the arthritis is only in the knee. So they were able to treat it with a steroid shot. Jakob handled it Very Well!! Shots and procedures are very overwhelming for him. We also confirmed that he has a dysfunctional autonomic nervous system, like me. (Sorry Buddy!!) That's why he has Rhaynauds symptoms and the orthostatic problems. That is something Jakob will have to work on balancing himself. Unless it gets clinical. For now it's finding what works: More water? More salt? Mind control? Heat? Layers? yadi yada yada.

Straight from Jakob's appointment I went to the dentist. I know that it's time to go get a tooth fixed when the gum starts to hurt. Otherwise, I am blessed with no pain even though my teeth are brittle and breaking. So I went in, also being the beginning of the new year and a new medical insurance term. They immediately started working on crowning one molar. Unfortunately, two molars have to come out. I have a few more that can be crowned to preserve them for future work. So we've decided to do that and then be done for the year. That and getting a jaw CT Scan to determine the viability of my jaw bone for possible reconstruction. Hopefully I can go get that done soon. The work done seems to have been fine. However, I should have asked for a prescription of prednisone. Because my mouth is filled with sores from the work that was done. I'll remember that next time. I wonder if I should just get a little shot right into the mouth during the surgery. Or through the IV. I'll have to look into that.

During my dentist appointment Leif called to tell me the baby was puking. Poor guy!!! Nothing worse then a puking baby and hungry kids, and no mama. It's like Leif working as an RN with no CNA! :) :) :)  He told me had ordered Wendy's to be delivered through Door Dash. When I heard that, I knew this was serious. :) Later on I saw the bill ($50) It must have been Very Serious!!! LOL!!!

The next day Joshua was supposed to go to his Neuro appointment about the nerve damage from his rough birth. Unfortunately, he was way too sick. We decided to take him in for some Zofran and a flu/strep test. Gratefully, the strep was negative. He didn't have enough feverish symptoms for flu. During the appointment we were meeting with the Nurse Practitioner instead of the Doctor. We took the opportunity to ask her about precepting Leif for his clinicals. She said she knew just the people to call and that she would call them that day.  this was a very Tender Mercy!!  Leif called the people today and it's looking promising.

So, we brought Joshua home and he and I crashed! We were so tired! And this is where it all starts to become foggy. In between asleep and awake I placed a grocery order on Instacart for Costco and the grocery store. We watched/listened to some of a good Jazz game. I found myself cleaning up puke in the middle of the night from Jakob being sick. Then somewhere in there I was the one puking.  I wasn't messing around though. I took the zofran. But I also to phenagren left over from my pregnancy. That stuff knocks me out for HOURS!!!!  I was asleep all day. Leif said that I helped clean up baby after puking and pooping. But I barely remember it.

The only thing I remember while so drowsy, is that I dreamed on and on and on about the possibility that I was pregnant. And how absolutley life altering that would be. Subconsciously/consciously I knew that I was supposed to have been visited by aunt flo in between all of this. But she hadn't arrived yet. I knew that it was 1 in 1000 chance that I could be pregnant. But with my body and helath history, 1 in 1000 had happened multiple times. So I remember calculating the fact that I have only missed my period 8 times in my life and all of those 8 times I was pregnant. :) :) And this went on and on and on.  Until I was finally awake and alert enough to go find my calendar. Sure enough, I was late. But.... Have no fear!!! She made her grand entrance this morning. Well, not real grand. But who complaining of a light aunt flo visit!? Not Me!!!

But it sure has made me wonder for the umpteenth time why we didn't just have them take everything out when they tied my tubes. As much as we would love and welcome another baby, people, it would be MADNESS!!! If you followed Joshua's pregnancy you understand. :) :)

So, here we are. I'm not pregnant. Not puking, but still quezzy and sore. Jakob is a bit queezy and sore. Joshua is also queezzy and sore, from what we can tell. I kept everyone home from school. This isn't something to share. Caleb has a sore throat. Nothing else. JJ isn't sick, but did lose his two front teeth. Finally!! :) :) :)

I've finally caught everything up. It's time for a nap and to read more from the latest book I'm reading The Empath's Survival Guide Life Strategies for Sensitive People by Judith Orloff, MD. :)

PMDD Game Changer

Yesterday I  went to my new Doctor. I've been waiting for this appointment for weeks. My plan was to apply the information that I've studied about PMDD and change some of my meds to see if I find something that helps me feel better, more.

The studies say that the med of choice for PMDD is an SSRI. Way back in the day, about 10 yrs ago I was consistently on an SSRI. We've come to realize that during that time the mood swings were not as ridiculous. Far fewer visits from Marge.

But when I have been on SNRI's for body pain (Cymbalta), then the mood swings are consistently ridiculous.  The Cymbalta helps my pain a lot. So I'll stay on that. But I've also been taking Wellbutrin to help with energy. Which is not helping. So I'll wean off of that.

So my doctor has prescribed the SSRI Celexa. And to help with energy and weight loss from bad holiday habits, she has agreed to let me take a round of Phentermine. When that's done, we'll talk about a stimulant to use as needed on the worst fatigue days.

So, here's to game changes and happier, healthier days ahead!!  I can't wait!

Not Much Getting Done

We're taking a sick day or two... Unfortunately, This is how we both feel.

What A Wonderful Birthday!

Today we celebrated my 40th Birthday! Wowza!! Forty Years Old... How cool is that!? 😁

We met our good friend's the Days at the theater and watched Mary Poppins Returns. It was very cute and the kids especially loved it!! I loved being surrounded by so many Friends and my family.💗💗💗 Tonight us adults met at Island Burger and enjoyed a great meal and even better company.  It's so nice to have so many wonderful friends!!! I feel very very blessed!!

Happy Birthday, Indeed!

An Uphill Climb Kinda Day

Today was an uphill climb.  I accomplished almost all of what I HAD to do. Mostly phone calls and just feeding my kids. But it took everything I had to do what I did.

Today was a classic bad PMDD day. It even included a little bit of Marge. In fact, she helped me write a whole blog post that I might or might not post later. It's about a somewhat controversial subject within the church that might be too offensive and strongly opinionated to share. I have to have Leif read through it first and make sure it's filled with some 🌞Light🌞before I share it. As I've said before, if "Marge" is involved, chances are it's pretty out of balance. So we'll see...

But anyway, I survived the day. Made a million doctors appointments, it seems. Taught the first lesson of the Come Follow Me curriculum with the boys, and made sure everyone ate three times in the day. So that's a success.

My body hurts today. My shoulders are struggling so bad. The muscles and ligaments are both tight and stretched. If that's possible. It's a mess. I used the electric shoulder massager today. Now I'm covered in bruises... Seriously! :(  But the good news is I have a doctor appointment with a new doctor. Actually a Nurse Practitioner. I'm praying she's humble enough to accept me walking in with a list of meds I need and specialist referrals to boot. I'm PRAYING that she'll not make me go to a psychiatrist for SSRI's and just prescribe them herself. If you feel like it, pray for me! 😀

Well, Leif's on his way home. He has the next two days off. Tomorrow we're going to celebrate my 40th birthday. It's going to be a Great Day!!!💓💓💓

Sunshine and Seashells

This morning I saw this pic on our Huntington Beach Community Forum. The guy told us that there was going to be a Negative Tide this afternoon. I would love to see something like this!!! So I worked on mustering some strength. It was a battle against some serious fatigue. So I went to Facebook to get some cheerleaders. :) And Cheer they did!!! 💓💓💓


Ok guys. I'm gonna do it. I'm going to battle off the wicked fatigue I have today. And I'm going to take the boys to the beach during the negative tide in search of amazing things like this!!! Wish me luck! I have 3 hours to feel good!🙏🐙🙏🐚🙏🦀🙏 Photo Credit Joe Katchka of Huntington Beach CA.

So, we ventured out and the boys chose to go to a beach that is known for seashells. They Really didn't want to go to the pier. So we'll go there another time. We had a great time! Blue Skies, Sunshine, Seashells, and Ocean. Can't get better then that!!