Foster Stories: "Why didn't she just tell us to go to school"?

We recently participated in a Foster Parent meeting. Prior to the meeting we were asked to watch a video. The second we started the video we regretted it. I seriously wanted to turn it off. By three minutes in, we had tears running down our cheeks.

The video was a story of a little boy's journey before foster care all the way to reunification with his mother. It was extremely legit. And we were completely drained by the end.

During our meeting we talked about how so many of the children have no idea that their life is considered “unusual”. We've seen this multiple times with our foster children. Four out of our nine foster children so far have lived out of their cars with their parents. And they think nothing of it most of the time.

REMINISCING...

One night I was pondering the situation of our current foster children at the time. While doing the math I realized that they had been living in their car during the “storm of the century”. Literally, it rained for over 40 days straight here in Northern California. It was miserable for us. And we live in a warm comfortable house. The thought of them all living in their car, and likely always being wet, was too much for me. I just sobbed at the thought. But when I asked the oldest about the situation and what it was like; the child was completely baffled at why I was so upset about it. As I saw how nonchalant the child was I knew that I needed to calm down. So I just asked one last question: What do you remember? "It was cold" was the reply.

We fostered two children for several months. During the first half of the placement we were unable to get very deep into any stories about their life before foster care. It was so interesting though; because the only time they seemed to feel comfortable sharing stories was when we were driving around in the car. 

Their stories were as fascinating as they were tragic. I say "fascinating", only because I am very interested in behavioral psychology. Otherwise, their stories would be the ones from the movies. Things that you think really don't happen.

As the months went on, the children were finally able to trust us and feel close enough to share more stories; and questions that they wanted answered. Something we've seen multiple times is that the children almost always have no idea why they've been removed from their parent(s). For some children it's never clarified to them.

During a late night talk with the children, it became apparent to me that they didn't understand that when mom was, what they thought, "asleep”; she was really passed out from drugs. That night I helped them piece together the truth. The response was a flash of compression and the look that resembles a deer in the headlights. It was connected in an instant. And immediately the subject was changed. A life changing explanation made. And filed aside in the brain. Surely to be processed more later.

Also during this conversation they shared that when younger they lived really close to their school. Often, they would try and try to wake their mom up to take them to school in the morning. But she just wouldn't “wake up”. Again, mom was so strung out she was unable to respond. So, they missed a lot of school. This line of conversation trailed off with the perplexed question, "why didn't she just tell us to walk to school?”

Basketball. A Growing Lesson For All

Basketball. 

Leif and I have been married over 20 years and we have NEVER had to work so hard to keep our temper's in check with eachother. 🤣😱🤣

I only wish I could hold my cussing in like my husband does. The cussing was NOT toward Joshua. Mostly just responding to the stress. I've never told Leif to shut up so much in our life together either.🤦‍♀️😆🫤

I try to remind myself that this experience is life defining for Joshua. And truly, he handles the stress and confusion of the game Beautifly!! He Never gives up in situations where I would Run away. He just looks for a bit of help and does a little jump and a thumbs up and carries on. It's Incredible. His push through and positive attitude will be invaluable in his life. 

So why are we so worked up, you ask? Well, for me, I just see him struggle so much and I've never been so unable to go to him and help him like this. So it kills me. I also get Really Really worked up when Leif and the guys yell to him and tell him things that I think throw him way off.🤦‍♀️😆😆😆 It's hilarious to think about now. But horrible in the moment. Leif?  He fights the feelings of imagining himself playing the game as if he's back on the court during his school years. 

So we both try to pretend we're fine. But we're a mess. Its So Emmbarassing. Especially when so many people turn to us and tell us how cute Joshua is. We just respond that it's Adorably Hard to watch the game. 

Leif was able to go down to Joshua at half time and remind Joshua about defense and offense. He must have done a great job because during the second half while sitting on the bench you could see/hear Joshua point full arm out towards Leif and say to his team, "that's my Dad!"❤️

Joshua's ... The Family "Habitat" is Growing

I'm thrilled to say that the bug and alligator lizard habitat is still thriving. We all observe and discuss it's progress and future together daily.  This weekend JJ accidently put WAY too much water in the aquarium. Which led us to all share our ideas of how to solve the problem and preserve the life of the bugs and lizard. Our efforts worked great and the homeostasis is back in check. Yesterday Leif and I went and bought some crickets and a tiny fern, as a way for us to have a reason to get away for a bit. We got large crickets in hopes of recreating the surprise of chirping from our last meal we brought to Alli. Unfortunately, I've yet to hear any chirping.😒

Valentine Non-Sugar Cookies: The Lord Loves Effort

I had been preparing for two weeks for the primary Activity Day's activity that Leif and I are in charge of. The activity fell on the week of Valentine's Day. So, naturally, I chose decorating Valentine heart sugar cookies for the activity. I spent time looking through recipes and gathering ingredients. I even watched YouTube to finally fix my Kitchen Aid Mixer so I could use it to mix up the big batch of cookies.

The day came to make up the batter. As I set everything out to begin, Joshua who's 7 yrs old, came over to watch. Pleasantly distracting me a bit from what I was doing. But I tried hard to focus.  And everything seemed to go smoothly. Although, as I finalized mixing all of the dough; the bag of sugar caught my eye. For a split second, I wondered if I had added the sugar. But moving on,  I reassured myself  that  no one could possibly make sugar cookies and forget the SUGAR. After all, the dough was a normal...ish consistency. Without any more thought I put the dough in the fridge to chill.

A few days later, I cut out and baked up the cookies. I thought about how much extra flour I needed to get them to work out. But maybe that was just this recipe. When I tasted a cookie I wasn't too surprised when it tasted a lot like flour. I told myself that I'd  just dust off any extra flour as I frosted them for the boys.

The activity went really well. The boys had fun. We all did. The boys piled on more frosting and way too many sprinkles than needed. And of course they had to make an extra cookie or two for themselves. I was happy to see that they liked them. I was glad I made the homemade vanilla buttercream frosting. Leif ate one and seemed to be ok with it. But Joshua and I were still very unimpressed. I told Leif that they tasted like biscuits to me. 

In the back of my mind I started to think about the sugar again. The next day we had our family reading time together and I set out the extra big and fluffy cookies for each person in the family. Finally, Leif agreed that these cookies just didn't seem right. Once he told me that he thought it was strange that he didn't love the cookie. Because this seemed to be one that he usually would really enjoy. That settled it. I had made NON-sugar Valentine's cookies. So Gross! And So Embarrassing.. . Also, SO Classic of me, I thought. No matter how hard and how much planning I try to put into these types of things, it always seems that something really important doesn't go right. 

As the evening went on I had a pity party conversation with myself in my mind. I reminisced about life a few years ago (and the decade prior to that.) I was really sick and I didn't even come close to attempting to do these types of things. And my boys weren't involved in big things outside of everyday life. Because my health made it impossible.... It was easier back then. Now, I'm well enough to put forth the effort. But it just seems like I'm never enough. It never completely works out how I plan.

This self deflating conversation rolled around for a while. Then out of the blue there came a reminder from the Spirit. A quote that is often repeated in lessons given by the leaders of our church. We are taught that, "The Lord Loves Effort."  

"The Lord Loves Effort". What else matters?  

Later that evening I finally got myself to put together Joshua's Valentine's gift baggies for his classmates.  And this year I actually remembered to order something ahead of time. Instead of forgetting until the end when I can only find "My Little Pony" cards on the shelf. But once again, here we sat at the table with a mistake I needed to fix. But couldn't. After we were finished, Joshua started pulling bags aside and telling himself who he would give it to. But, there were two problems with that. First, he can't read at all, let alone people's Names. Second, I had just had him fill the "To" line on the card with little stickers instead of names.🤦‍♀️ There was no going back. 

My mind started imagining how things would go the next day at school. The teacher would finally tell all of the kids that they can pull out their Valentine's bags. She'd tell them that  they have 15 minutes until the bell rings; so move along quickly to give out the gifts. Three minutes before the bell rings, she'll notice that Joshua is in front of a classmate's bag. He's pulling out one baggie at a time looking for the "Perfect Sticker" for that particular friend. She calls over to him and tells him it's time to finish up. Looking up, he's suddenly flustered and confused why everyone else is finished.  

It's because they all had time to make and mark this decision ahead of time. 

As this all plays out in my mind my heart breaks at this imagined scenario. It gets worse when later that night he tells me that he's nervous and asks if I'm coming to class with him tomorrow. 💔

I ask myself again how I always seem to mess things up some how. 

Parenthood just feels like a race of thinking ahead. Trying to do what needs to be done to avoid potential disaster. Only to find out you've actually created a different disaster and just leaving things alone would have been better.  That night, as I finally climbed into bed, I am taken back to the reminder from earlier; "The Lord Loves Effort" What else matters? 

As parents, we're charged with the monumental task of raising these babies into adults. We pray that hopefully by then they are reaching toward the direction of their divinely given potential. At times, it feels incredibly heavy.  But, in reality, I think that's because we are in a constant battle against the distractions of the worldly expectations of what the "right" way of doing things are supposed to look like. But really, does that even matter? Isn't the way supposed to be easier than that? More basic? Less chaos? Who are we trying to follow, anyway? Aren't we trying to follow HIM? His way? 

His way is the easier way, in the end. You know why? It's because He will love and praise every effort we have given. He will love every Non-Sugar cookie we have made.  

Always Remember: "The Lord Loves Effort!" What else matters?  

Sleep peacefully tonight. Allowing this to encircle your Mother or Father Heart. The Lord loves YOUR effort. Nothing else matters.

Elder Jakob Baron Missionary Letter

Week 83: And Thus We See...

This week we've been blessed! I've faced some adventures! I've been able to help lots of people, including other missionaries. God has gifted me with the talents I need to serve those around me. Often in unexpected ways. (for me at least) Enjoy this little story of one of my adventures last week,

“This [83rd] epistle, beloved, I now write unto you; in both which I stir up your pure minds by way of remembrance”

(2 Peter 3) 

1) Dearly beloved, and most cherished, I write unto you the feelings of my heart. Glory be to the Father who in his great goodness hath allowed me to write concerning my journeyings in the land of Colorado. 

2) Should I write sufficiently to you of the workings in this land, and the great manifestations of the Spirit poured out upon its people, you will know of the great importance to making these miracles known unto the whole earth. 

3) For thus I write according to the workings of the spirit which is within me. 

4) On the twenty-fourth day of the first month in the land south of Fort Collins, called by its people Loveland, because of its exceeding love, I and those whom God had hitherbefore chosen, took our cars, and traveled unto the gates of the city. 

5) Knowing the great power of our God, and the great need of LB, the son of someone, who had hitherto resided on the streets, but according to the great mercy of the lord, dwelt for a time in the household Clay. He himself of the church of God, and living uprightly before God. 

6) And it came to pass that according to the foreknowledge of the Lord, who had hitherto showed his love unto us in great power, called me and five others, men chosen out of the world, to enter into the household of Clay, for the edification of LB. He being a precious and chosen servant to the Lord. 

7) And thus was the company on that night, to the great astonishment of all present.

8) And it came to pass, that never before in the land had such homies gathered one with another. The words of Christ were spoken with great power, and with reverence. And thus we see how the pains of troubled souls were lifted. 

9) For who knows the goodness of God, and his matchless power? Who from one day to another can yet live without God in the world, and still yet live? I saith unto you, unto such it is to die, speaking of things spiritual. For unto those who seek the things of God, as spoken by his prophets, they shall find, and then yet live.  

I love you lots! 

with a grateful heart,

Elder Baron

PS. Thank you elder robinson for the idea for this scriptural email (:

Elder Jakob Baron's Missionary Letter

Week 84: Monkeying Around

Brethren, and Sisters, 

The time has come for us to regain control over Elder Baron. I'm afraid there has been too much monkeying around. Elder Baron has conducted swimming lessons in the baptismal font, filled his fridge with sparkling water and non alcoholic apple beer, and stabbed himself with a needle repeatedly while attempting to bind a new cover to his brand new wide-margin Book of Mormon. If that wasn't enough, he still continues to “teach, preach and work as missionaries do.” He seems to be motivated by an increasing number of self made “Words of the Prophets” Spoken Word + Music Combos. This is more dangerous than his previous exploits. We are afraid Elder Baron might accidentally “Ascend Mount Zion”, with a truly spiritual, soundtracked, distracted driving incident. The Great Colorado Fort Collins Mission is in immediate need. Elder Baron needs to “gird his loins” and “bridle his passions,” Lest the whole world will soon learn that extraordinary individuals are NOT lightminded, but ARE lighthearted. 

“Holiness to the Lord says yes to the sacred and reverent, yes to our becoming our freest, happiest, most authentic, best selves as we follow him in faith.” 

(Elder Gong October 2024 General Conference) 

Some quick explanation,

Swimming in the baptismal font.

I've taught my friend Carson in Severance for six months, and have taught him for another few months since I've been here in Loveland/Fort Collins. He is 9, or 10, (i forgot lol)- and scared of putting his face in water. (Sensory issues and all that fun stuff.) With permission, we had a lesson at the font and swam around in there to help him feel comfortable and learn to put his face in the water. He succeeded with goggles! We practiced blowing bubbles haha

Be good boys and girls and enjoy something good from God this week!

Love you lots,

Elder Baron

PS:

“Words of the Prophets: NotFindingNothing Edition”

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/18hR_JKVPDy8aSSor50SMBis_vATzjk5O

My Photo Album, this next couple of days I'll be uploading a lot from the past while….

 https://photos.app.goo.gl/77pj4teFupymD65fA

JJ's Winter Band Concert

I Love that JJ is enjoying band so much!! He and his friends had their winter concert. I can't believe that he'll be in HIGH SCHOOL  band next year! Fun Times!!

 

Back to the Old Faithful Blog

It seems that all "outside entities" have been told they can no longer interact with FB. That means that ChatBooks will no longer be able to print my Facebook posts. Sooo, here we are. Back to old faithful. Blogging. 

It will be different. But likely pretty fun. Hopefully things on Blogger haven't changed so much that it's frustrating.  We shall see.

So, here we go! Family Updates:

Joshua will be EIGHT YEARS OLD in September! I can NOT believe that! That means we'll be talking a lot about Baptism for the months ahead. His primary president did a precious Baptism Preview will all of the kiddos who will be baptized this year. The chocolates say a little tid-bit of the baptismal covenants made at Baptism. I'll talk later about the Baptism Bear. So Sweet!

JJ had some friends over and they had an epic Nurf Gun battle. Molly is as cute and Loved as ever. Precious Times!